Something out of Nothing

I have so many things I want to say in this post, because so much has happened over the last year. I'm going to do my best to stay on topic and make my thoughts some-what sequential, but if I do venture down a rabbit hole, please remember this is an Alice you're dealing with, and we are forever prone to chasing rabbits and marveling at white roses painted red.

First, I want to say with absolute assurance that God is in the business of making something out of nothing. Let me try that again...
HE MAKES SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING! That is the power and presence of God. If that statement doesn't overwhelm you, I don't know what will. No one else who has ever existed or will ever exist can do that. I know this, because it is what he did for the Israelites, for the dry bones, and for me.

God has lavishly blessed me and I don't deserve one iota of it. He doesn't give up on me when I do deserve to be left in my own pride and selfishness. Over the past year, I have had a lot of grief, stress, and anxiety because I did not trust him. Plain and simple. I think about how differently this year would have been if I had chosen to trust. So many tears and sleepless nights and arguments would not have existed.
There were things in my life that worried me:

1. I was told that I would never be a good counselor by someone I looked up to, and it crushed my confidence completely.
2. Our daughter had a medical condition that had her life-flighted and admitted to a hospital for a few days.
3. We were faced with an astronomical amount of medical bills from the birth of our daughter and her hospital stays.
 4. I graduated with no job offers, was turned down by 9 different interviewing schools, and we needed an extra income.

However, before any of those things happened, God spoke to my heart in January of 2013. Here's what he said,

"I am preparing a place (job) in Fayette county, even now."

"I will not forget you or fail you. I will see the work through until the end."

"I will see you through the darkness and into my light."

"I have seen your heart and know you. I will lead you where you ought to go and show you what is to be."

"You are mine and I am yours. I have called you by name."

I believe he told me those things to prepare me for what was to come. There were some dark days, where my heart and mind were clouded by pain, confusion, and fear. There were days where I felt like nothing, like I was forgotten and a failure. There were days where I felt misunderstood and didn't know if I'd ever get out of that rut. Thankfully, he did not forget me, and he did not fail me. He did pull me out of that darkness, and slowly, one by one, each surmounting problem fell before us.

1. I had an amazing internship experience after the terrible one, and the counselors there helped me regain confidence and strength. I realized my worth is not determined by a person, but by the purpose placed in my heart by God himself.

2. My daughter was diagnosed with severe acid reflux and cleared of serious medical issues.

3. The insurance company made a mistake in processing our claim, and ended up paying a HUGE majority of the bills we were looking at, and we were able to pay off everything we owed.

4. After working SO hard to become marketable and get a job; after hours of poring over my resume, researching schools, buying professional clothes, etc....a job offer fell in my lap when I least expected it. I didn't even have a formal interview. There was nothing, nothing, nothing, then all of a sudden, something. SOMETHING. And it's in Fayette county. And the person who hired me had just moved here about that time in 2013.

When I look back on the past year and I think of all the closed doors, I no longer wonder what was behind them. Oh how I long for the faith that affords me that attitude when the doors first shut and I am still standing in nothingness! I'm not there yet, but I'm a little closer. Closed doors often bring pain, but it is not pain without a purpose. He is good. Always. Even when there is pain. He makes things out of nothing, because he can see into the deepest voids in our hearts and cause the ethereal explosion of life, breath, and hope.