Below is an excerpt from the journal I am keeping for my son Luke. I wrote this in the face of some disappointments I am dealing with right now. They seem petty in the big scheme of things, but they are deeply affecting my own concept of worth and competence. The words flowed onto the page after a particularly needed and uplifting talk with my Granddaddy. He offered his perspective and loving advice, both of which come from years of experience and wisdom. So the following is a culmination of his advice, my words, and God's truth. I want these words to reach Luke in the future, when he feels like he is in the darkest of places. I wrote it to encourage him, but to also encourage myself. Everything detailed here is what I am trying to wrap my head and heart around now too.
June 22, 2013
The purpose of this journal is to not only document how you are growing up, but to also record the ways in which I am growing up too. Because one day Luke, you will be at the place in your life where I am now. You see, growing up can be painful. Sometimes it's so painful that you cannot see anything but your own pain and disappointment. Every emotion is so overwhelming; you may think they will never pass, but my darling boy, it will. You may need someone to remind you of that from time to time (and that's okay). God puts people in our lives for a reason. He allows them to go through rough patches, not because he is unfair or uncaring, but because these trials produce a wellspring of character and experience. Being an adult is hard, Luke. This is something you will discover all too soon. It is a series of successes and disappointments; holding on and letting go; pure joy and debilitating pain. The key is to trust. Trust God. He holds the universe and time in his hands. He sees you and knows you intimately. Trust him with reckless abandon. Sometimes letting go is the only way to stay afloat. Sometimes it's so hard to see his purposes, especially when we hurt so very much. But you must have faith, even when you can't understand, and keep hope, even when you cannot see, because the light WILL come. The pain will pass, and you will know a strength like you've never known before, because it is God who is using your weakness to show his strength. Hold on, my love, this too will pass. Joy will come in the morning. Don't give up hope, keep fighting the good fight. And wen you find yourself in the position I am now, remember me. Your mother, with all her faults, failures, and fears came through. Not because of her own strength, but because of HIS.
I love you, my son.
Mom
