I received the sad news today that a childhood friend of mine has died. He was in his early twenties and in good health. I haven't seen him in a few years, but I hurt deeply for the loss and for the loss his family is suffering. I am becoming increasingly aware that I hurt deeply when anyone dies, whether I knew them or not. It shakes me to the fibers of my innermost being to see someone in pain. I started imagining what his family must be going through. I think about his mom, and the hell she is going through. I put myself in her position. I can see her going through his room, smelling his clothes, looking at pictures of him. I can see her remembering his first breath, his first step...and I can see the pain in her eyes when she realizes she will never hold him in her arms again, or hear his laugh...It's images like this that haunt me. They comprise my deepest, paralyzing fear: the fear of loss. Sometimes the fear of losing my husband or my son consume me. They stop me in my tracks and they arrest my breathing. I think it's safe to say I have an issue with death. It's not the actual dying part, because I've been told just as much as everyone else, that when you die, if you believe in Jesus, you go to Heaven. I know this, and I really do believe it, and it's not the person dying I feel so sorry for. It's those who are left behind, who's whole world has been shaken up. It is part of who I am to really love people. When you are in my life, I knit your heart to my own. When I imagine that seam tearing so abruptly,the pain seems too much to take. If it happened to me, how would I carry on? In my mind I see myself hopeless, abandoned, and destroyed. However, God sees something different, and this is what he revealed to me today-
Matthew 6:25-34 addresses worrying. He says that worrying does not add a single hour to life. His promise is that if I seek first his kingdom and righteousness, all of my worries will be taken care of.
Isaiah 61 is what has given me the most comfort. It's a passage about captives being set free. Isaiah speaks about his anointing and his purpose. He announces the arrival of the "Year of God's Grace". He promises the captives beauty for their ashes, joy for their pain, and a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. He calls them "Oaks of Righteousness", planted by God to display his glory.
My heart was so comforted when I read these passages. They remind me that God is good, and he loves fiercely. He takes care of his children. He frees me from the bonds of fear. He has given me a purpose and has called me to live my life to serve him. This is the time of His grace and goodness. Though bad things will happen, and pain will come, he will not leave me in the ashes of mourning.I can take comfort that my lips will be filled with praise again. He will bring beauty and joy out of the darkness. He is my hope. He will make me an Oak of Righteousness. He will set my roots to run deep, so that the storms of life will not tear me down. I am planted here to display the glory of the Most High God! Therefore, I will not worry, I will not fret. I will trust God with my life, and the lives of those around me. He works out everything for his good, and he is worthy of my trust.
So, today, I pray for comfort for Matt's family. I pray that peace will come over them, and that God will bring them out of the ashes. And when he does, I pray that God will rebuild their lives and bring more beauty and joy to them than they could ever know.
