Lately I have been watching Louie Giglio's sermons online from Passion City Church. (You can follow this link and do the same, if you'd like.)
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Today, I watched called "More Than Enough". It caught my eye I think because I have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy. I have a deep-rooted fear that I am not 'smart enough' and therefore I won't fulfill my dream of becoming a psychologist. I am always afraid I am not 'pretty enough', and therefore can't measure up to my husband's (and others') expectations. Even now as I write this, I can hardly believe the amount of fears I have that center around insufficiency.
I am not
'a good enough person'
'a good enough Christian'
'a good enough mom'
'a good enough friend'
'a good enough wife'
These insecurities eat me alive. They inject their poison into my heart, leaving me defeated, afraid, and alone before I even get started. How can I ever make a difference in anyone's life when I am so clearly lacking in every way? The answer is simple, but it is solid as stone and a thousand times as resilient.
HE is more than enough.
The proof is in John chapter six. He takes a little boy's lunch and feeds 5,000, with food to spare. He walked on water in the middle of a storm to meet his disciples. When challenged to produce something more miraculous than the manna that fell from Heaven every day for 40 years to feed the Israelites, He says that HE is the Bread of Life. Manna could not be kept over night because it would spoil, but Jesus says anyone who comes to him will no longer hunger or thirst.
Why? Because HE is enough, HE satisfies, He is the Bread of Life. When the people asked how they could receive the Bread of Life, he replied, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent".
If your life is like mine, then you are constantly plagued with fear and mistrust. Fear says "you cannot go that far or believe that much". It laughs in your face and tells you "you can NEVER do that. you are nothing!"
But Jesus says, "Yes, you can."
Yes, I can. Why? Because although I am inadequate, He is more than adequate, and when the storm of my insecurities rage and whirl around me, and I think I am about to be swallowed up, Jesus is there in the midst of it all, walking over it, using those challenges as if they were a pathway straight to me.
He meets us where we are.
He satisfies. And when he shows up in my mess and muck, he fills that void within me and makes me enough because HE is ENOUGH.
Romans 11:36 says, "For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen."
All things come from God, He holds the world in his hands, and all things will return to Him in the end. He IS enough. God is so much bigger than our problems and our fears.
I love the terminology that comes from the movie, "Alice in Wonderland". When Alice returns to (Underland) there is confusion about who she really is. When she tells them that she is Alice, The Mad Hatter tells her that she has "lost her muchness." He goes on to say that she "used to be much more muchier than this". I can identify with this. I often feel like I have lost my muchness. When I let problems and fears work their way into my heart. But I have come to realize that my muchness does not come from other people, companies, universities...etc. My muchness comes from the Holy One of God, and he gives much more muchness than I could ever imagine!
So today, I cling to his promise. I believe in him with all my heart, and I believe that today, He is enough for me, and through him I can do anything. No fear is too much, no problem is too big, because He. Is. Enough.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
You Say You Want a Resolution..
It is a beautiful start to 2012! I am so excited for what this year holds. I don't typically formally make New Year's resolutions, but I was giving the subject a lot of thought this morning. I made a list of six things I'd like to achieve (with God's grace, because I will need LOTS of help!).
(Note: These are not in any particular order, all are equally important to me!)
1. BE MORE AWARE OF NOT ONLY WHAT GOES INTO MY BODY, BUT WHAT GOES INTO MY MIND AND HEART AS WELL.
"Junk in, junk out"- that's what I've always been told, and it is so true. I took a little break from watching what I eat over the holidays and I completely indulged myself. My goal was to just enjoy food and family, but at times, I digressed into an all-out binge on junk food. And let me tell you, I felt like total crap the next day! I think this principle applies to what goes into my mind and heart too. I want to have healthy positive thoughts, so that I can offer the same to others I talk to. I want to embrace truth, love, hope, and joy in my heart, so I can pour that out onto everyone I meet. This goal is about being healthy and happy in every way I can, as far as I have control. For me, this means no more pity parties, trashy tv shows, or pointing out every flaw I find in myself. Instead, I want to gracefully accept my failures and try harder, read more books that enrich my mind and soul, and embrace who I am, just how I am : an imperfect person on a long journey.
2. BE JOYFUL, ALWAYS.
For a self-proclaimed worry-wart like me, this is a toughy. But my goal for this year is to be as joyful as possible, as much as possible. Life is so rich and has so much to offer. I want to look deep into every situation and find that lovely, silvery lining within. If "life is too short to be anything but happy", then it is WAYYYY too short to be anything but joyful. So when Luke dumps food all over my nice, clean floor, I want be joyful and glad that I can provide my son with food, and that I even have a floor of a house to clean! Being pessimistic does no good, and it only makes situations worse. So, this year, I will choose to be more joyful.
3. GIVE OTHERS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
This is something I constantly struggle with, because I can be a really critical person sometimes. My road rage is out of this world. I always assume the other person is driving recklessly to deliberately hurt me! (how ridiculous is that??) I tend to assume others only have the worst intentions. This needs to change! I want to give others the benefit of the doubt, to be an advocate for positive human nature, and be more forgiving and even tempered as a result.
4. GAIN WISDOM.
It is my life's goal to be a wise person. But I feel like the more I search for it, the more I realize I have to learn. I want wisdom from it's very source- the mouth of God. So it is my goal this year to "seek wisdom as silver, search for her as for hidden treasures" (Proverbs 2:4) I want a thirst and hunger for wisdom, so that I can gain discernment and make godly choices this year.
5. ACCEPT THAT THINGS WON'T ALWAYS MEET MY EXPECTATIONS, OR, JUST GO WITH IT!
At times, my expectations exceed the realm of possibility, especially if I put special effort into making sure everything is perfect! I try to plan the perfect vacations, make perfect grades, and have everything in impeccable working order. Nine times out of ten, something always goes wrong (thanks a lot Murphy). I usually get so upset and it ruins the entire experience for me, but I hope that will change this year. I need to learn to just go with it. I need to be more flexible! Just because it rains one day on vacation, I shouldn't let that steal the fun from the whole trip! I think this goes back to the joy thing. I want to be joyful even when things aren't perfect, because they never will be! It's the 10 mins of bliss here, and hour there, that add up to make life beautiful. I want to find those and hold on to them instead of the times things didn't go according to plan.
6. HAVE FAITH AS BIG AS A MUSTARD SEED.
This is a biggie for me because faith involves trust. And if you have known me for more than a second, you know I have some serious trust issues. But God never falters, and he never lets me down, but yet, my faith is microscopic or non-existent at times. Faith is a lifeline; a rope that carries us through life as long as we cling to it. In times of despair, the rope looks thin and miniscule, but it is still as strong as twenty ropes woven together. I think this is what Jesus meant when he told us we only need faith as big as a mustard seed to move mountains. For that little bit of faith to accomplish such a feat it must be some highly concentrated stuff!!! So my goal for this year is to let go of my doubts and cling to faith at all times, knowing no matter how small the tether may seem, it is strong enough to carry me through.
So there you have it. My list of resolutions to bring me closer to God, family, friends, community, and myself! I know none of these will be easily obtained, but that makes them all the more worth while. Happy New Year, may you be blessed in 2012!
:)
(Note: These are not in any particular order, all are equally important to me!)
1. BE MORE AWARE OF NOT ONLY WHAT GOES INTO MY BODY, BUT WHAT GOES INTO MY MIND AND HEART AS WELL.
"Junk in, junk out"- that's what I've always been told, and it is so true. I took a little break from watching what I eat over the holidays and I completely indulged myself. My goal was to just enjoy food and family, but at times, I digressed into an all-out binge on junk food. And let me tell you, I felt like total crap the next day! I think this principle applies to what goes into my mind and heart too. I want to have healthy positive thoughts, so that I can offer the same to others I talk to. I want to embrace truth, love, hope, and joy in my heart, so I can pour that out onto everyone I meet. This goal is about being healthy and happy in every way I can, as far as I have control. For me, this means no more pity parties, trashy tv shows, or pointing out every flaw I find in myself. Instead, I want to gracefully accept my failures and try harder, read more books that enrich my mind and soul, and embrace who I am, just how I am : an imperfect person on a long journey.
2. BE JOYFUL, ALWAYS.
For a self-proclaimed worry-wart like me, this is a toughy. But my goal for this year is to be as joyful as possible, as much as possible. Life is so rich and has so much to offer. I want to look deep into every situation and find that lovely, silvery lining within. If "life is too short to be anything but happy", then it is WAYYYY too short to be anything but joyful. So when Luke dumps food all over my nice, clean floor, I want be joyful and glad that I can provide my son with food, and that I even have a floor of a house to clean! Being pessimistic does no good, and it only makes situations worse. So, this year, I will choose to be more joyful.
3. GIVE OTHERS THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.
This is something I constantly struggle with, because I can be a really critical person sometimes. My road rage is out of this world. I always assume the other person is driving recklessly to deliberately hurt me! (how ridiculous is that??) I tend to assume others only have the worst intentions. This needs to change! I want to give others the benefit of the doubt, to be an advocate for positive human nature, and be more forgiving and even tempered as a result.
4. GAIN WISDOM.
It is my life's goal to be a wise person. But I feel like the more I search for it, the more I realize I have to learn. I want wisdom from it's very source- the mouth of God. So it is my goal this year to "seek wisdom as silver, search for her as for hidden treasures" (Proverbs 2:4) I want a thirst and hunger for wisdom, so that I can gain discernment and make godly choices this year.
5. ACCEPT THAT THINGS WON'T ALWAYS MEET MY EXPECTATIONS, OR, JUST GO WITH IT!
At times, my expectations exceed the realm of possibility, especially if I put special effort into making sure everything is perfect! I try to plan the perfect vacations, make perfect grades, and have everything in impeccable working order. Nine times out of ten, something always goes wrong (thanks a lot Murphy). I usually get so upset and it ruins the entire experience for me, but I hope that will change this year. I need to learn to just go with it. I need to be more flexible! Just because it rains one day on vacation, I shouldn't let that steal the fun from the whole trip! I think this goes back to the joy thing. I want to be joyful even when things aren't perfect, because they never will be! It's the 10 mins of bliss here, and hour there, that add up to make life beautiful. I want to find those and hold on to them instead of the times things didn't go according to plan.
6. HAVE FAITH AS BIG AS A MUSTARD SEED.
This is a biggie for me because faith involves trust. And if you have known me for more than a second, you know I have some serious trust issues. But God never falters, and he never lets me down, but yet, my faith is microscopic or non-existent at times. Faith is a lifeline; a rope that carries us through life as long as we cling to it. In times of despair, the rope looks thin and miniscule, but it is still as strong as twenty ropes woven together. I think this is what Jesus meant when he told us we only need faith as big as a mustard seed to move mountains. For that little bit of faith to accomplish such a feat it must be some highly concentrated stuff!!! So my goal for this year is to let go of my doubts and cling to faith at all times, knowing no matter how small the tether may seem, it is strong enough to carry me through.
So there you have it. My list of resolutions to bring me closer to God, family, friends, community, and myself! I know none of these will be easily obtained, but that makes them all the more worth while. Happy New Year, may you be blessed in 2012!
:)
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